Fill this out in my ask box! One point for every correct answer. Ten points total. I’ll reply with your total score!
It’s probably best if you find something else to do now.
I was just about to leave.
At a very good time. Because the flirty will soon become something more.
"That’s my lovely son. Just don’t pay attention. Just trying to get mama to do me some favors."
“Good for you, papa. But I’m not so sure mama will give in that easily." And he should be getting out of here. He loved his parents, but he refused to stay for whatever they will be doing next.
Mama’s teaching you how to write someone around your finger.
Mama, do I really have to watch? You and papa are too mushy.
"Isn’t it great to see papa and mama so happy and passionate together?"
“I’m happy for you two, of course." He came at a wrong time. Good thing they were still just flirting.
[TEXT] At Mcdonald’s last night thr guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry so you screamed at him ‘YOU MCFUCKED UP.’
[TEXT] My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly Bloody Marys
[TEXT] If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night.
[TEXT] That’s the second worst thing to happen to my ass.
[TEXT] Just sent my mother the text “we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday”. Hows your day going?
[TEXT] Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
[TEXT] We need to get fucked up again and play games like ‘Save the tequila but dodge the knife’
[TEXT] He’s drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck’s your excuse?
[TEXT] You slept on a pillow of digiorno
[TEXT] Should we go get some celebratory ‘I’m not pregnant’ tacos?
[TEXT] I’ll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
[TEXT] I think ____ will remember that birthday for a while. I’m still dying over the fact that a stripper was hunting me down.
[TEXT] You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice and then hung up.
[TEXT] I threw up off of your balcony and it must’ve been loud because the dog next door started insane.
[TEXT] Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn’t get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
[TEXT] Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if were still alive?
[TEXT] The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
[TEXT] You said this was your mistake shot and vomited on the tv. Never forget.
[TEXT] He jumped into a mall fountain. I don’t think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever.
[TEXT] You passed out and I didn’t draw a penis on your face. Best friend of the year.
[TEXT] it’ll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you’ve had in a month…
[TEXT] Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple this time. Pinky swear.
"Remember, more than one please makes you sound subservient. Let’s see if papa’s left any of that in the freezer."
“Daddy said that since I look cute I need to use it to my advantage. What if papa ate it all? Can I eat papa’s sweets then?”